


Your Heart

by IcedFairy



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4710599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcedFairy/pseuds/IcedFairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What started as writing lessons turned into something much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Heart

I carefully looked all around the cavern before dashing to the next stalagmite. I froze, then scanned the dark shadows between the pillars for trouble. I'd perfected this route a long time ago, back when I'd followed Aya down here to learn her secrets, but I just didn't feel at ease. There was something in the flickering shadows that promised malice for the unwary. It didn't help that while I'd been here before, and everyone knew I'd been here before, it was still super duper illegal for me to be here.

Fortunately I didn't have much further to go.

The Palace of the Earth Spirits was a massive building, bigger then any human castle, with windows of masterfully worked stained glass. I could probably do a whole article just on the windows, but right now I only cared about one of them. The one window that could never close.

I crouched, then leaped through the opening. The stone floors made me cough with pain when I hit, but a quick roll brought me to my feet. I couldn't help but smile as I surveyed the massive corridors. Expert entry by a prodigy reporter. Now I didn't need to bother to hide.

"I told you I don't like having my picture taken. Why are you down here again?"

Lucky! I had to swallow a laugh at how fortunate I was. I'd been hoping to talk to the head lady herself and here she was! I'd expected to have to fight through waves of angry cats to meet with her. I ignored her three eyed glare and pulled out my cellphone so I could take notes. "Hiya! Hatate Himekaidou, Kikashi Spirit News. I'd like an interview, Satori Komeiji, or should I say, Ms. Eureka Heart!"

This time I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing when she reeled back "What? How did you? Writing lessons? Think slower!" Her sudden outburst startled away my smile. This didn't seem like how Satori normally acted. Admittedly normally she'd just start shooting at me-

Her words interrupted my thoughts. "Hm... 'Normally you just start shooting danmaku.' Well yes, because normally you're here for pictures. But now you're here for blackmail?"

I felt a little embarrassed having my plan so openly stated. I mean, I was more tasteful then that right? "Hey now, I'm not here for blackmail, I'm here to improve my writing."

Satori sighed at my reply. "You'll just release my true identity to the public if I don't help. Well, I can't help you, but since you leave me no choice, I'll try."

That seemed wrong to me somehow. "Hey now, you're really good at writing! You have to have some tricks for me. Your manga brought the great tengu himself to tears you know." And me as well, though I'd never say that. "Anyone who can do that's gotta have skill!"

Satori ignored my words and just turned around and walked away. Not having any other ideas, I just followed after her. It was a little unnerving how our footsteps echoed dissonantly through the empty halls. Finally after a few corridors she spoke again. "My skill comes from years of experience." I felt my wings twitching beneath my skin at that. I'd gotten real tired of hearing people repeat experience over and over to me. Satori continued on. "I learned what to write by experiencing the reality of the world, experiencing each of life's blows and cuts. I learned how to write by reading the desires in people's hearts. Seeing their hopes and despairs written out before me. I can't teach you that."

I had to admit, while I didn't like the 'experience' cop out, she had a point. But it also didn't fit right in my head. "It's more then that though right? I mean all, well most satori can read minds and they aren't writers like you. You've got something else, you know." And she did. Her books were great. Okay admittedly I liked her simpler manga works more then her critically acclaimed literary works, but you know, we all have our favorite styles.

She walked on in silence. I started wondering if Satori was disagreeing with my explanation but just giving me the silent treatment. She quickly shook her head when I thought that. "No no. I'm merely a little taken aback at your praise. Perhaps you are correct." Satori sighed. "Still I am uncertain how I can teach you."

"Well, it's obvious, you just..." I stopped. I didn't have a clue how she was going to teach me. I mean wasn't that the point and all? If I know what I needed to learn from her I wouldn't need to learn it. "Well, I mean, how did you learn how to write?"

"I read a lot of books and minds, then I started writing." Satori's expression didn't change as she continued. "Then I wrote things and showed them to people while reading their hearts. It's good feedback, if painful."

"Oh." Yeah that was something I couldn't do. I wasn't sure what I should suggest now. Heck I didn't even know where I was going. The tiled floors and stained glass windows of the giant palace all looked the same. If it weren't for the breath of wind from that one open window I wouldn't even know which way the exit was.

"Ah, that's how you navigate around this place." Satori said in response to my thoughts. "I'll have to remember that. As to where we're going, isn't it obvious?" Satori opened another door. "My library."

Satori's words rebounded on themselves in the stone halls, like the pounding of a gavel to sentence the condemned. Which was fitting because the place looked like a courtroom. The bookshelves loomed over me as I forced myself to step in. This place wasn't anything like Voile. Voile was crowded and stuffy, with books just lying about in a clutter of information. The shelves here stood on their own against the wall. Each stretched up to the ceiling, a monument to the knowledge they contained, and that I had yet to learn. The atmosphere was made even heavier by the complete and utter lack of other furnishings. The only thing in the room other then the shelves was a single table with a lamp at the far end. It almost looked like a defendant's table.

"Hm... A rather lurid imagination, but you're somewhat correct. This place used to be a courtroom for the yamas back when this was still hell." Satori gently touched off the floor and floated silently over towards the desk like this was all totally normal. I forced myself to try to ignore the feelings the room inspired in me and just fly along like everything was normal. Still, I wondered how the other woman could be so blind to the atmosphere here. "It's a lot easier to ignore the atmosphere when you've seen the court in session," Satori said as she pulled out a chair and dropped into it. "So then, let's start this exercise in futility. What exactly are you trying to write?"

That question banished the gloomy atmosphere from my mind. "Why my newspaper of course! Isn't it obvious? I mean a newspaper is a crow tengu's pride and joy." And with the writing skills I could gain here I'd be finally able to beat that Bunbunmaru rag!

Satori nodded. "So you think you need an edge to beat Aya. After all she has more experience, since you're only three hundred twenty two years old."

I flinched as my winds wriggled again. I hated that word. "Experience isn't everything ya know! I've got skills that even Aya is jealous of. Don't write me off so easily! It's not polite!" She should have known that was a sore spot from last time!

Satori sighed, her two normal eyes closing. "Hm... 'Why's she bringing up stuff like that? I was entirely wrong about her.' Well, five encounters before you learned why my power is hated. That's better then normal."

I flushed as I slammed the table. That was just being rude. "Seriously, why are you being so, so, bitchy about that? You didn't need to bring that up!"

Satori opened her eyes and pressed forward. A wave of pressure seemed to roll off her and I'm ashamed to say it stopped me cold. It was completely different from her basic persona. "Yes I did. It's what I am," she said in cold clipped sentences. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to sit straight despite her presence. I was a tengu! I wasn't going to back down to a satori, no matter how famous.

After a moment Satori leaned back and the pressure faded. I slowly relaxed as the challenge faded away. "Yes, you do still have your pride as a youkai." The woman's shoulders shrugged as she sighed deeply. "And you still have that blackmail information, so I'll see what I can find." She carefully stood then floated towards one of the upper shelves.

As my unwilling host drifted out of sight I looked over the writing implements scattered across the table and frowned. When I'd started out on this it'd seemed like the best plan ever! Now I was starting to have doubts and regrets. Maybe Satori was right and she really couldn't help me with writing as a reporter? Maybe my failure wasn't in my writing? And if it was could I stand working with her long enough to learn?

I shook those thoughts from my head then grabbed a piece of paper and started scribbling a quick account of my journey here. I'm not the type to get bogged down in what if and maybes. That never helped anyone right? Best to keep moving and find the brighter side of life. Or at least make bitching about things fun.

"That does make your mind more fun to read then most." My pen slipped as the Satori's sudden comment caused me to totally lose my train of thought. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I forget sometimes how much better my pets senses are then even most youkai." Satori softly landed, then shattered the graceful silence by dropping the books onto the table with an echoing thud. "Here's what I have on the matter. Perhaps they will help."

I looked down at the stack of dusty tomes and thin magazines. Somehow they didn't seem to leak mastery of the written word. As I skimmed the titles my opinion of the stack dropped lower. "Aren't all of these fiction works?" What the hell was I going to learn from that?

"Yes. Fiction is the essence of things in Gensoukyo." Satori sat down as she continued answering the question I hadn't asked. "Books on how to write as a reporter will teach you one person's style of writing. A story about a reporter can tell you what a reporter should be."

I couldn't even feel insulted at that nonsensical statement. I just raised an eyebrow and replied, "I'm a crow tengu, I know what a reporter should be."

"No, you know how to be a gossip." I couldn't help but growl at that, but she ignored me. "You crow tengu innately desire to spread information and speculation quickly. There is, apparently, supposed to be a difference between that and a reporter." Satori tapped the stack. "And that difference is somewhere in here."

"That's..." My protest died on my lips. There might be something to what Satori had said. When I'd followed Aya around I learned that news was more then just simply reporting what her pictures showed. It might be possible that I'd missed something else. In fact, it might be better if I'd missed something! If there was a facet of true reporting that I could learn from this I'd be sure to pull ahead of Aya, no ahead of all the other crow tengu! I grabbed the top book and flipped it open. "That's a good idea! Alright, let's do this."

A small smile inched across Satori's face. "I'm glad to see you're happy with the idea." She stood and began walking away. "I have to go tell my pets to prepare a larger meal then normal. I'll return in a bit to hear any questions you might have."

I gave the woman a distracted wave before turning my full attention to the book. I skimmed through the story itself, trying to find the nuggets of knowledge hidden within.

But that didn't last.

My energy slowly leached out of me as I flipped through one book after another. I felt myself slowly being drawn down into my chair, the quicksand of boredom refusing to release it's hold on me. Every one of these cookie cutter reporters were the same. They all cried about bringing "the truth" and then cut through red tape or something and learned the big secret and exposed it. I could do that! Exposing secrets is easy! But that couldn't be the difference between a gossip and a reporter.

The door opening was a welcome reprieve. Finally I could take a break from this waste of time. Satori was there, along with a dog girl that I'd never seen before. Or maybe it was that dog that tried to bite me the last time I came in. It didn't matter really. The important thing was the tray of sandwiches the dog girl was carrying.

"Lunch is served," Satori said as she sat back down.

"Thanks" I replied. I put the book aside with no small relief and grabbed one of the sandwiches. Satori sat down opposite to me and grabbed one of her own. The dog girl gave me a mean look and left. Oh well, reporters were often misunderstood. Even these books got that much right.

"I take it then your search hasn't gone well?" Satori stated

"Ugh!" I couldn't help but flop down on the table. "These books all have the same plot! Or at least the reporting part of the story does. 'Find the big scoop! Stick it to those in power!'" I took out my frustrations on the sandwich. "None of them have anything to do with day to day reporting other then to bitch about it."

"Hm... Yes, that's sometimes a problem when doing research like this." Satori nibbled at her food a bit before continuing. "There are certain areas where people are uninterested in the reality compared with the fantasy. Often this works in the writers favor, like in combat or erotica. In other fields it makes things more difficult."

I blinked at the explanation. "Wait, are you telling me people don't like sex? Somehow I don't think that's a common sentiment, ya know."

She raised an eyebrow at me, like I was the one who'd said something strange. "I said people prefer fantasy in erotica. Erotica isn't sex. If nothing else it's missing the parts most people enjoy. I know some writers claim there's no limit to what can be done with words, but I'd have to disagree."

I wondered how she would know that, then winced. She could read that right out of my head of course. Satori's smirk only made me feel more awkward. I turned back to the books and started skimming again before my mind gave away more stupid questions. And before Satori started giving answers.

The reading took my mind off that little bit of stupidity, but only because it was painfully boring. It was the same story again and again. At least it was when reporting was the focus. Some of the books read more like an action manga. Reporting was barely touched on. I felt the chair slowly trying to consume my body again and wondered if chairs fed on boredom. If so this chair was getting a feast.

Finally I tossed the last hard bound book down. "Nothing. None of these have anything new."

Satori frowned "I see. That's unfortunate. Perhaps I'll have to search again." She sighed, then pointed down at the last set of writing she'd pulled out at the start. "What about those books there?"

I looked down at the brightly covered manga tomes Satori indicated. Somehow the thought that something so garish might hold what I was looking for seemed ridiculous. Still I was stuck here anyway right? I flipped it open.

I was greeted by yet another reporter who hated reporting. 'The City' was a real eye opener, filled with gratuitous sex imagery that would put the Fisherman's wife to shame, but the first volume was  
just more sound and fury about the truth. At least the pictures made the story move faster. I got through the first book and tossed it aside before grabbing the next.

Satori sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Unfortunate. I'd hoped that you'd find something worthwhile." It seemed she really had been trying to help me. It was nice of her, given I'd kinda strong-armed her into it. I shrugged and turned back to the reading. As I said, it was fast paced, so I might as well finish it. This volume started off with more needless cursing and yammering about the truth.

And then something changed. Something that triggered my reporter's senses. A little voice that said 'Hey, something big is here!' I sat up and started reading closely.

It wasn't the assistant that the reporter got, though the explanations he gave to them made something click. It wasn't the story. The story was still the same search for 'truth.' It wasn't the setting, as weird  
and shocking as it was. No there was something else different. Something that seeped out around the story. Something that made the articles, even though they were fake articles, stand out more then any  
article I'd ever read before.

I finished the story, but I still couldn't find exactly what is was the drew me in. I cursed and started in again at the second volume, flipping through to find the articles, searching for the meaningful ones. Satori leaned forward as I searched, occasionally parsing through my cast offs, and organizing the piles to make my research easier.

In the end I found it in a meaningless article about a woman who barely featured in the story. It wasn't a special story. Something similar had happened to thousands in this world. It wasn't a magical telling that united everyone to step up and fix the problem. In the end no one really cared. But it was her story. A story that, as similar as it was to everyone else's, was still unique. And that was when I figured out what I needed to learn. Or perhaps unlearn.

"What is truth?"

I realized how stupid the question sounded as soon as I said it, but that was the difference. That was what made these stories stand out. What gave them meaning all on their own. Truth was more then just facts. Or perhaps I should say, the truth that a reporter must hunt for are the facts with the least value.

When Heida no Akyuu was born, any Tengu could report the facts of her birth. The time, her weight, the name of the midwife attending. That was simple. And anyone could wax poetic about how totally awesome it was to see the new Child of Miare and what it meant for Gensoukyo. Truths, yes. Even important truths.

But who would ask her mother what it was like to see her child for the first time? The joy and pain of having a kid. The hope and pride knowing that her girl was one of the most important humans in the village.

Who would ask that woman, forgotten by history, what it feels like to know she will live to bury that child she just bore?

Satori just nodded in agreement. Of course. She could see what I had just realized. You could understand After all, you saw these truths all the time. Perhaps that was what defined her as a youkai.

Her eyes opened wide, then she chuckled slightly. "A youkai of truth? Perhaps." Her eyes slowly dropped away from mine. "But I see them differently. You can see them as parts of a whole. You can understand both their hearts and their rational mind. That there is something a satori can't see." Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes focused on nothing in particular. "I don't know what it's like for someone to bite their tongue, at least not like you. I always see the words the spiteful part of them wants to say."

She started and looked back at me, while managing to force a smile. "Some people are better to be around then others of course. People like you, who think of strangers as interesting subjects aren't bad to be around in passing. Monks are tolerable, at least the good ones. But as soon as someone starts to get to know me, to spend time with me..." Her eyes drifted away again.

For the first time I looked at her. Not as a story or a resource to be used, but as a youkai. I don't know what changed within me, but I felt like the world had more color and depth especially her. Perhaps my revelation had opened my eyes, forced me to start seeing people as people instead of just facts. Perhaps it was because her armor of pride had fallen away. Perhaps it was both or neither or something else entirely. But I knew, then, that I needed to interview you. To learn what it meant to be Satori. Not just a satori, but Satori Komeiji, the most famous of her race.

She looked up at me with widened eyes. I think this was the first time I surprised you as well. "Interview... me?" She pulled away, the pride of a youkai starting to slip over her expression again. "Why interview me?"

That was a good question. Opportunity, interest, desire? I couldn't give a single answer. But if anyone needed to have their story told, it was someone like you. Someone who people didn't want to speak to, who people avoided. Someone who understood a truth no one else could.

As she read my thoughts, she slowly relaxed. A small smile formed on her lips, but her violet eyes were dull. "I suppose someone who has stolen the truth from so many others should repay the favor in kind." She sighed and leaned forward. I leaned back, trying to give her space. "I'll start at the beginning, with our birth, because that I think is what made us different from other satori."

She sat there for a few moments, collecting her thoughts before taking a deep breath and starting. "You know that satori breed true right? Like yuki-no-onna. And that most of us have a human parent." I nodded silently. I'd learned that much. "Our mother was lucky. She fell in love with a messenger for the shogunate. He was happy to marry a 'woman' who would put up with his constant absences, and they were never around each other long enough for our races... idiosyncrasies to become a problem." Satori's eyes grew a little brighter. "They were only together for fifteen years before he died, and they saw each other for less then a month each year. But they were happy. That's better then most."

I briefly wished I could have seen such a unique union, maybe talked to Satori's mother, but I let the thought slip away as she continued. "Koishi and I were born from that union. Myself three years after they met, and her two years before father died."

I saw Satori's third eye close a little as she looked into the past. "Koishi and I were always together. We weren't inseparable, no we satori value time alone too much for that, but we were close." She snapped back to the present and stared at me. "You have to understand most satori can't even stand each other. But because Koishi and I were together so often we learned something most satori didn't. We learned how to ignore the momentary flashes of anger and disappointment that flash across the hearts of most people, because we always knew we loved each other, even when our hearts said something cruel."

As I scribbled down her words I wondered if that applied to people like me as well. I mean, I didn't really mean some of the nastier things I thought about you.

Satori's smile twisted a little. "You meant them when you thought them." I winced at the reprimand, but your words didn't really sting. "Still you weren't that insulting. And you feel bad about them now so I don't see a reason to press the matter."

I felt the good cheer in the room drain away as she sighed and her smile faded.. "However, that was our problem. We loved each other, but the world didn't love us. It was... difficult." She began tracing patterns on the table as she thought up how to explain herself. "I weathered the storm better. Perhaps because I was older. Still I find I don't trust people as much. Too often the words in their heart become reality. Koishi..."

She had closed her third eye to escape. It had taken me a while to find that out. I still wasn't fully sure what it meant either, but the younger Komeiji was a strange being.

Satori slumped onto the table. "Yes. Koishi couldn't take how much people hated her. She tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. She hoped that their friendliness and respect were stronger then the fear and hate that welled up within their hearts. But that was so rarely true. In the end she sealed her heart partially.

My pen stopped and I looked up at Satori. Partially sealed? I'd never heard that.

"Yes. Partially sealed." Satori's own third eye closed a little. "The proof of that is you remember her. If her eye was fully sealed she wouldn't show up at all in your mind. She has thrown away all her thoughts, all her emotions, except for the bond that connects us. Our love as sisters is why those who know me can remember her."

It sounded like a miracle, a bond that people had spent their lives search for, but the dead way you said those words...

She turned even further, turning her face to hide her expression from me. That was when I realized it. You're afraid you're holding your sister back. You think that your love is chaining her conscious mind.

She shivered at my words, but she didn't deny anything. I saw your eyes begin to glisten with tears and I found myself pulling out the handkerchief I use to wipe my camera lens. She hesitated a moment, then took it with a nod before gently wiping her eyes. Then she took a deep breath and pushed herself back up off the table. "Thank you." she said as she handed me back the handkerchief. Her eyes were sharp again, but her touch was light. I couldn't help but blush as you smirked at me for my errant thoughts. My mind searched for another topic.

I wondered if you had ever considered closing your third eye. Sacrificing happiness and pain for contentment. Her smile softened, but there was none of the pain that was there before. "I did a few times. Back when my sister first closed her eye I considered following her, and again when I realized our connection was keeping her from totally losing her conscious identity. But both times I rejected it." She sighed. "I can't force my sister to follow my path, but I think she's wrong. I think the Buddhists are wrong."

Was it your pets that made you think that?

"No." You shake your head. "No I love my pets, and they love me. But they think differently. They'd be a little sad if my heart wasn't open, but they'd still be able to have fun with me. I didn't change for another reason."

You fell silent, but somehow I knew the truth you carried. The tilt of your head. The look you have in your eyes. The way your heartbeat changes as it pumps through your third eye. These are the keys to the existence of Satori Komeiji that you have given me, and I know, without a doubt, that you kept your powers because you had hope. A hope that one day you would meet someone who would care for you despite your power. A hope that you could find someone you could trust other then your sister.

That was why you wrote so many books. You wanted to let your voice be heard without hate or prejudice changing the meaning. You wanted to bring others laughter, and tears, and hope. And maybe, just maybe, someone would find you through your words.

You don't reply to my realizations, but they way you blush and turn ever so slightly away is enough for me to know the truth. And I am humbled by it.

Then it's my turn to blush in shame as I realize I've once again treated you like a resource. I took one of your truths, something personal, that was once yours alone all to satisfy my need for a new story. I took and I took and I offered nothing in return.

A soft presence falls upon my arm, and I see your hand on my wrist. "That's not true," you say quietly. "You listened to me. You gave me your full attention, and you did everything you could to make me comfortable. To respect me and my existence."

I opened my mouth to ask how she knew that, and then I froze again my wings near bursting out at the realization. You giggled at my surprise. A strange sound coming from you. "That's right Hatate. You haven't said a word since you started interviewing me. You let me see your thoughts directly, and spoke from your heart without malice."

I considered replying, then closed my mouth. I'd gotten this far without words, perhaps I could keep going. Though I didn't really have a clue what to do now.

You did though. Your smile faded, and your eyes swept over me like they did when we first met. Assessing me, body and mind. You hesitate, then leaned forward and asked, "Do you find me attractive Hatate?"

The shock sends my heart racing. The first thing my mind does of course is try to answer your question. Your clothes are wrinkled and you haven't spent much time getting the cowlicks out of your hair. But your body's presence, your mind and that hopeful spirit all draw me in ways I can't explain.

And then I looked away, because I felt like this was all taking advantage of you yet again. Playing off your emotions and need for understanding. Then I felt your hand gently forcing me to face you, and I saw in your eyes the strength that had guided you here. "You won't be taking advantage of me Hatate. To be honest, I might be taking advantage of you."

I wondered if this was too fast, but I knew on some level you couldn't wait. You couldn't trust me to feel the same towards you tomorrow. It's easy to find sympathy for the devil, but harder to keep it.

You nodded. "And I don't trust myself. You say I have hope and strength, but well..." Your eyes softened once again. You can't trust yourself to have it tomorrow. Then you smiled brilliantly. "But, I do love reading happy minds like yours, Hatate."

That settles it. I cover your warm hand with my own as I try to find my voice. I know you've already heard the words in my heart, but I want to say them aloud so you hear them in my words as well. "I think you're beautiful, Satori."

We stood and you slid in alongside me. Somehow your eyes switched again, to a smoking gaze and the press of your body against mine made all the minor nitpicks in my mind fade away. For the first time the difference in our age and experience really hit me, but I didn't feel angry or cheated, just awkward.

"My room is this way," you say as you guide me out.


End file.
